BY HENRY MUTEBE
When Management (my wife) went into Labour, I felt a deep sense of helplessness. There is no moment in the life of a man, that feels so worrying like that time- knowing your person is on the edge.
Knowing she has started a journey of no return. The baby must come out- alive. The pain can only stop once the baby is out.
You pace around, move about… you wish to help but nothing much you can do. There is a sense in which you feel useless, the trouble causer and in some way, sadly, you feel less of a parent as though the mother is the prime and you, a by the way in the process of bringing life on earth.
There is a sense in which the woman becomes supreme. It’s a feeling I can’t put words to. She seems to do the bigger job and that humbles you. A million thoughts cross the mind as you wait for the baby to come out. You feel like the wrong guy in this whole thing. Like the cause of it all but one who isn’t even helping in any way.
But nature is kind, in due time, the gift arrives and you both share the joy of a new life.
One of the things I want to improve on is being a good father to our children. There is a sense in which I feel that just the process of delivering a baby is a big job in which the woman almost appears to have done all she had to do. It’s humbling. For us, all we need to do is to be present. I want to play my part… to also add value. To contribute.
Then, comes the next couple of months of exclusive breastfeeding. Again, as a man, you are almost useless when the baby is hungry. I remember on the first day when management went back to work after maternity leave expired, we had to drive to her workplace so that the young man can breastfeed. We had not pumped and had not used any other food for him.
He had not even spent a long time without breastfeeding but he started screaming as though he has spent five hours without breastfeeding. So we had to take the lad to the mother. As we drove, he kept quiet and simply looked on perhaps enjoying watching the trees speed back.
Whenever we slowed down or stopped, he remembered that he was hungry… and went in overdrive. There is nothing as frustrating, for a man, as watching a baby cry because he is hungry and you can’t do nothing. Only the mother can sort it.
There are moments I have felt so useless. When it comes to children, there is a way nature makes us feel less important. But that said, I do enjoy the warmth that a child adds to the family. I feel a little jealous though, that women seem to enjoy more warmth from babies than us.
We are now four months old. We smile a lot. We know family. We have started looking at people who are eating and we also move our mouth along. We have started grabbing mummy’s hand when she is putting food in her mouth. We can have our own conversations alone. We are being taught how to sit- slowly but surely. Our appetite is way up there. We vacuum until mummy feels headache. We are doing good.
